{"id":3529,"date":"2025-08-09T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-08-09T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/?p=3529"},"modified":"2025-09-07T15:03:58","modified_gmt":"2025-09-07T19:03:58","slug":"20-practical-tips-for-supporting-someone-whos-grieving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/20-practical-tips-for-supporting-someone-whos-grieving\/","title":{"rendered":"20 Practical Tips for Supporting Someone Who\u2019s Grieving"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>As a pastor\u2019s wife, I\u2019ve had the privilege of walking with people through some of their greatest joys and deepest sorrows. Celebrations, of course, are easy, but grief can be overwhelming. I often hear confusion about what to say and do to support someone who\u2019s grieving. Despite my best intentions, I confess I\u2019ve sometimes said or done something less than comforting. I want to encourage but struggle to know what helps and what doesn\u2019t. How can we comfort the bereaved without increasing their pain?<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignleft size-thumbnail\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" data-attachment-id=\"3540\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/20-practical-tips-for-supporting-someone-whos-grieving\/grief-fluctuates-like-the-waves-of-the-sea-2\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Grief-fluctuates-like-the-waves-of-the-sea.-2.jpg?fit=940%2C788&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"940,788\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Grief fluctuates like the waves of the sea.-2\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Grief-fluctuates-like-the-waves-of-the-sea.-2.jpg?fit=940%2C788&amp;ssl=1\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Grief-fluctuates-like-the-waves-of-the-sea.-2.jpg?resize=150%2C150&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Ocean waves\" class=\"wp-image-3540\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Grief-fluctuates-like-the-waves-of-the-sea.-2.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Grief-fluctuates-like-the-waves-of-the-sea.-2.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Grief-fluctuates-like-the-waves-of-the-sea.-2.jpg?resize=75%2C75&amp;ssl=1 75w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Grief-fluctuates-like-the-waves-of-the-sea.-2.jpg?resize=45%2C45&amp;ssl=1 45w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Grief-fluctuates-like-the-waves-of-the-sea.-2.jpg?zoom=3&amp;resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 450w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>First, we want to understand as much as possible about what our grieving friend is experiencing. Although every grief journey is distinctive, Elisabeth K\u00fcbler-Ross and David Kessler identified seven common stages\u2014shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. The steps in the mourning process are neither linear nor sequential. We may skip one, go through them in random order, or revisit some of them several times. Grief fluctuates like the waves of the sea. One minute we\u2019re standing, and the next minute, a wave knocks us flat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, we pray God will surround our grieving friend with his comforting presence. In addition, we may consider the following tips when deciding what else to say, do, and avoid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-positive-ways-to-support-someone-who-s-grieving-what-to-do\">Positive Ways to Support Someone Who\u2019s Grieving\u2014What to Do<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Show up:<\/strong> The greatest gift we can give someone who\u2019s grieving is our presence. Nothing we say or do has a greater impact.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Express your shared grief:<\/strong> Those mourning need to know we, too, grieve their loss. My first words are usually, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d If I know the person well enough, I also hug them or hold their hands. Share memories of the deceased and how much they\u2019ll be missed.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Ask questions: <\/strong>Ask about the arrangements for the funeral or memorial service. If the service has already occurred, compliment them on it.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Encourage them to talk:<\/strong> They may need to tell and retell the story of what happened or try to make sense of their feelings. At the right time, a grief support group can help them work through their grief with others who are also navigating loss.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Listen: <\/strong>The one who is mourning may want to talk, cry, or sit in silence. Our goal is to listen more than we talk.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Allow silence:<\/strong> We don\u2019t want to take up so much space with our words that we leave no room for God to work. The bereaved need times of silence to process their loss. Companionship can comfort.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Offer hope:<\/strong> Christians have the promise of the Lord\u2019s presence at all times. He walks with his own through the Valley of the Shadow of Death and will give them the strength they need. Assure them they\u2019ll make it through the grief process.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Let them cry: <\/strong>The ability to express deep sadness is a necessary part of the grief process. Tears are a natural and healthy expression of emotion after a loss. Even Jesus cried at Lazarus\u2019 death. People react to loss in various and sometimes confusing ways. They may not understand their reactions or experience guilt if they feel a sense of relief. Reassure someone who&#8217;s grieving they\u2019re not alone in their feelings.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Provide practical help:<\/strong> Be specific about what and when. Offer to clean the house, transport the family to and from the airport, do laundry, or provide childcare. One lady always takes toilet paper and paper goods to the bereaved, as she knows they might not be prepared for the number of visitors they\u2019ll have. Another acts as a hostess and buffer, managing the food gifts and encouraging the grieving to get proper nourishment and rest.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Continue to check in:<\/strong> The most difficult stages of grief often follow the funeral when the bereaved is alone. Call them, send a text, or write an email to check on how they\u2019re doing. Invite them for lunch or coffee. If they\u2019re unable to leave home, ask if you can bring a meal to share.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Carry each other\u2019s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Galatians%206:2&amp;version=NIV\"><em>Galatians 6:2<\/em><\/a><em> NIV)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-words-and-actions-to-avoid-what-not-to-do\"><strong>Words and Actions to Avoid\u2014What Not to Do<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Attempt to explain God\u2019s reasons for the loss: <\/strong>This can foster anger towards God, portraying our loving God in a selfish light.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Assume we know the wishes of the deceased: <\/strong>To say the one who\u2019s gone wouldn\u2019t want the one who\u2019s left to be sad is to presume something we can\u2019t know. We also risk communicating that the bereaved\u2019s feelings are unacceptable. Sadness is a valid response to loss.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Minimize their loss: <\/strong>Another spouse, child, house, or pet can never replace the one lost. We don\u2019t want to diminish or invalidate their grief.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Discourage expressions of grief: <\/strong>Mourning the death of a loved one doesn\u2019t deny the hope we have in Christ. We don\u2019t want to shame someone for their sadness.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Ignore the deceased: <\/strong>Sometimes, we may fear that talking about the lost loved one will further upset the grieving. Instead, they usually want to share stories.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Offer advice unless it\u2019s requested.<\/strong> Our listening presence communicates our love, acceptance, and understanding more than unsolicited counsel.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Try to make them feel better: <\/strong>Nothing we say or do can alleviate their pain. Discouraging their tears or expressions of emotion may come across as disapproval or judgment.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Rush the grieving process: <\/strong>Every person, relationship, and journey is unique. Comparing our experience to theirs risks shifting the focus to us instead of the bereaved. There\u2019s more than one way to mourn.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Promise they\u2019ll feel better soon: <\/strong>We don\u2019t want to diminish their grief or promise what we can\u2019t deliver.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Refuse to permit the bereaved to move on: <\/strong>Joy, hope, and new relationships don\u2019t dishonor the deceased.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Ephesians%204:29&amp;version=NIV\"><em>Ephesians 4:29<\/em><\/a><em> NIV)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Another post dealing with grief is \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/nancylucenay.com\/staging\/8869\/mary-and-martha-disappointed-in-god\/\">Disappointed in God<\/a>,\u201d which considers the experience of Mary and Martha when Jesus didn\u2019t respond as they\u2019d hoped.<\/p>\n\n\n<span class='bctt-click-to-tweet'><span class='bctt-ctt-text'><a href='https:\/\/x.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Fnancylucenay.com%2Fstaging%2F8869%2F20-practical-tips-for-supporting-someone-whos-grieving%2F&#038;text=20%20Practical%20Tips%20for%20Supporting%20Someone%20Who%E2%80%99s%20Grieving%20by%20%40NancyLucenay%20on%20Beyond%20the%20Front%20Door%23Grief%20%23Loss&#038;via=NancyLucenay&#038;related=NancyLucenay' target='_blank'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">20 Practical Tips for Supporting Someone Who\u2019s Grieving by @NancyLucenay on Beyond the Front Door#Grief #Loss <\/a><\/span><a href='https:\/\/x.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Fnancylucenay.com%2Fstaging%2F8869%2F20-practical-tips-for-supporting-someone-whos-grieving%2F&#038;text=20%20Practical%20Tips%20for%20Supporting%20Someone%20Who%E2%80%99s%20Grieving%20by%20%40NancyLucenay%20on%20Beyond%20the%20Front%20Door%23Grief%20%23Loss&#038;via=NancyLucenay&#038;related=NancyLucenay' target='_blank' class='bctt-ctt-btn'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n\n\n<p>What additional suggestions can you add? I\u2019d love to hear them. Please share in the Comments box at the bottom of the page.<br><br><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We want to support someone who&#8217;s grieving but struggle to know what to say, do, and avoid. In this post, find 20 practical tips to help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3532,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[383],"tags":[517,460,518,459],"class_list":["post-3529","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-following-jesus","tag-20-practical-tips-for-supporting-someone-whos-grieving","tag-beyond-the-front-door","tag-grief","tag-nancy-lucenay"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v26.5 (Yoast SEO v27.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>20 Practical Tips for Supporting Someone Who\u2019s Grieving - Nancy Lucenay<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We want to support someone who&#039;s grieving but struggle to know what to say, do, and avoid. 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