When my children were growing up, I longed to build character and connection with each of them. I wish I could take credit for the upstanding adults they are now, but I know better. As parents, we have a powerful influence over our children, but we’re not the only ones. Friends, teachers, grandparents, and so many others contribute. Nevertheless, we want to do what we can to help our kids grow into responsible, godly adults. As I pondered how to encourage them, I wondered what my children remembered about what I had said to them. So, with fear and trembling, I asked. Some answers were predictable. “Eat your peas.” “Wash your hands.” “Clean your room.” Other memories stirred gratitude in me. “I love you.” “Trust God.” “Have you prayed about that?” They showed exceptional kindness in not mentioning some of my more regrettable comments.
Children often remember less about our crafted speeches and more about the overall attitude and message we communicate in everyday life. Our words became the background music of their childhood and the inner voice that still speaks in adulthood.
My job as a parent wasn’t just to manage their behavior but to shape their hearts, strengthen their character, and steer them toward a life-giving relationship with Jesus. Our daily interactions around the dinner table, in carpools, during conflicts, and before bedtime became opportunities to point my children toward God’s truth, wisdom, and grace.
Scripture emphasizes the power of intentional encouragement and instruction: “Encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV).
In previous posts, we explored intentional questions that help build faith and character in children and teens. Those conversations become even more meaningful when they grow out of a home marked by encouragement, grace, and genuine connection.
10 Practical, Faith-Centered Ways to Build Character and Connection with Our Children
Daily Connection
1. Be Present in Small Moments
We build relationships through everyday consistency rather than grand gestures. Through attendance at our children’s sporting events, recitals, and extracurricular activities. By our involvement in dinnertime conversations and bedtime routines. Presence communicates their importance and our interest in their lives. Even brief moments of focused attention can build trust and strengthen emotional connections.
2. Listen Before Correcting
Children open their hearts when they feel heard. Quick corrections can shut down communication. Intentional listening builds trust. James reminds us, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters! Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19 NET). When we rush to fix, lecture, or correct, we may miss what’s happening beneath the surface. We can ask them to help us understand their actions or emotions before determining how or if we should discipline them.
3. Create a Culture of Encouragement
Many children hear criticism all day long—from peers, social media, coaches, teachers, and even their own thoughts. Psychologists say we need five positive comments to overcome the effect of a negative one. We want home to be a place where our children receive generous and sincere encouragement. When we notice their effort, growth, honesty, or courage, they feel safe, seen, and valued.
4. Discipline with Relationship in Mind
Rules without relationships result in resentment and rebellion. We never want our children’s punishment to be fueled by our frustration. We must manage our anger before disciplining them. Instead, we want to offer loving guidance that points them toward godly wisdom. Ephesians 6:4 warns us not to provoke our children to anger but to raise them with instruction and care. Correction is most effective when children feel connected and loved.
Character Formation
5. Emphasize Character More Than Performance
Children need to know we love them for who they are, not only for what they achieve. While it’s easy to praise grades, trophies, or accomplishments, Scripture reminds us our deepest identity comes from being created and loved by God. Instead of praising them for winning, celebrate their perseverance, cheerful attitude, or kindness. Affirming character helps children understand that success does not define their worth, no matter what the world and social media tell them.
6. Encourage Responsibility and Integrity
Character develops when children learn to take ownership of their choices, both good and bad. Instead of rescuing them from every consequence, we want to guide them toward responsibility, repentance, and reconciliation. To lead them to confess, apologize, and make restitution. Failure isn’t the end of the story but an opportunity for growth.
7. Apologize When You Fail
Parents don’t build trust by pretending to be perfect. When we blow it, we can teach our children how to apologize and seek forgiveness. Just as we want them to own their failures, we want to take responsibility for ours and model an appropriate response. Children who see repentance and forgiveness lived out learn that failure doesn’t have to lead to shame or hiding.
Faith Cultivation
8. Use Everyday Moments to Point to God
Faith formation requires more than church services and formal devotions. Deuteronomy 6:7 describes teaching children throughout ordinary life—when sitting at home, walking along the road, lying down, or getting up. When our conversations include how God is working in our lives, we help our children see faith as part of real life, not a Sunday activity. Conflicts with friends, concerns about upcoming tests, or even celebrations can lead to short prayers
9. Pray With and For Your Children
When my children were young, a friend described how her mother prayed with her each day before she left for school. I began asking each of my children how I could pray for them that day before they walked out the door. Then I voiced a brief prayer. Even as teenagers, they waited for me to pray for them. Prayer reminds children they’re not carrying life alone. Our prayers teach dependence on God rather than self-sufficiency.
10. Keep Grace Bigger Than Failure
The gospel reminds us God’s grace is always greater than our sin, weakness, and shortcomings. If our homes emphasize performance alone, children may hide their struggles to protect their hearts. But when grace is present, confession and growth become possible. We can either major on mistakes or focus on forgiveness and redemption. One leads to depression and the other to growth.
Conclusion
Long after children forget our lectures, they will remember the repeated messages that shaped the atmosphere of home.
They remember whether they felt loved, heard, encouraged, safe, and guided toward a loving Savior. Neither our words nor our parenting will achieve perfection. But by God’s grace, small moments of intentional encouragement can help build lasting character and deep connections over time.
10 Ways to Build Character and Connection with Our Children by @NancyLucenay on NancyLucenay.com Share on XJoin the Conversation
What other ways have you discovered to build character and connection with your children? Please share your thoughts in the Comments box at the bottom of the page.
