Cross-cultural communication can seem as if you’re hiding in clouds trying to converse with someone you can neither hear nor see. Miscommunication is not just possible; it’s probable. Even if we’re speaking the same language, we’re not. Once again, cultural differences can contribute to the confusion.

Face and Cross-Cultural Communication

Cross-cultural communication always includes face. Until I moved to Hong Kong, I understood face to be what’s on the front of my head. But in Hong Kong, face is a metaphor for social honor and respect. In a collectivist culture, even more than in an individualist culture, people view themselves through the eyes of others. Maintaining face is crucial to preserving respect in the community. As a Chinese pastor said about decisions other pastors have made:

As a pastor, if they have employed the wrong strategy, the believers will lose confidence in them; thus, they would rather be wrong.

In the West, we value sincerity and transparency. In other places, people may respond according to what they think you want. Their priority is to preserve the relationship.

Miscommunication

I broke this rule more times than I can count. For example, twice a year I hosted parties for my Ladies’ Bible Study in our 1000 square-foot flat. In the years I taught, party attendance grew from 20 to 50. One woman told me the ladies expressed concern because the party was so much work for me. Had I read the proper script, I would have said, “Oh, it’s no trouble!” Unfortunately, I responded as a Westerner: “Well, yes, it’s a lot of work,” I said. “But I love you, and I’m glad to do it.” She responded graciously, but the confusion on her face let me know I’d said the wrong thing. She intended to give me face by complimenting me on the party.

A compliment requires a polite denial, so I lost face by accepting it. I displayed immodesty and admitted difficulty. Both were inappropriate. At least, that’s my interpretation of what happened. Some of my Chinese friends who read this blog may open my eyes to another explanation.

Storms Can Cause Loss of Face

Cross-cultural communication can easily lead to storms. Westerners try to resolve disagreements through discussion. In Chinese culture, words left unsaid are as important as those spoken. Since China has a 5000-year history, Chinese don’t rush to judgment. They leave room for the situation to develop. A Chinese friend noted, “There’s always one more fact.”

To express frustration, irritation, or anger leads to unintended consequences. Confrontation causes storms, and storms damage relationships because someone loses face. To protect your face and avoid humiliation, you hide your negative feelings. The intent is not to deceive but to maintain self-control. To lose self-control is to lose face, which can lead to the death of a relationship. 

While the exchanges of giving and getting face are the social currency of the Chinese world, losing face is the social equivalent of bankruptcy.^[1]

Face in the Bible

Face was also a key concern in biblical culture. As Jacob was preparing to meet Esau after their 22-year separation, he sent gifts. 

For [Jacob] thought, “I may appease him (Hebrew: appease his face) with the present that goes ahead of me, and afterward I shall see his face. Perhaps he will accept me.” (Hebrew: he will lift my face)

Genesis 32:20 English Standard Version

Jacob was hoping Esau would give him face, which he did.

Face—it’s rarely discussed but always a part of every interaction, every conversation, every relationship. I found Chinese people to be gracious and kind, giving face if possible. They’re comfortable with interdependence. Whenever I needed help, they were quick to offer it. Their politeness is contagious. Although to a Westerner the ever-present concern of giving and getting face may appear artificial, it’s the sunshine that pushes back storms in collectivist cultures… and it’s been working for thousands of years.

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^[1]Jerusha McCormack and John G. Blair, Thinking Through China (London: Rowman & Littlefield, 2016), Kindle edition, location 1198. (http://www.comparativeculturestudies.org/about-professors-blair-mccormack/)