How to Overcome Sexual Assault ~ Tamar’s Story

A middle-aged farmer lamented to his friend. “I just can’t get any work out of my boys after they use their sister at night.” The father normalized the routine rape of his young daughter, leaving her defenseless. Tamar also suffered abuse at the hands of her brothers and abandonment by the father who should have protected her (2 Samuel 13:1–22).

Tamar’s Rape

Amnon, Tamar’s half-brother, claimed to love her, but the king’s virgin daughter was off-limits to him.  When his obsessive lust made him ill, his crafty cousin Jonadab asked why. Amnon explained, and Jonadab recommended he fake an illness and wait until his father, King David, came to check on him. Then, the crown prince could ask his father to send Tamar to his house to prepare food and hand-feed him.

Jonadab’s plan worked, and an unsuspecting David ordered the innocent Tamar into Amnon’s trap. Had she noticed Amnon’s leering looks? Perhaps, but a woman had no choice whether to comply with her father’s command. Her brother’s sickness, however, wasn’t physical, and food wasn’t what he wanted. Tamar rejected Amnon’s advances and begged him to consider the consequences. He would be like one of Israel’s wicked fools, and she would suffer lifelong disgrace. Instead, she recommended he ask the king to allow them to marry. Yet Amnon, fueled by lechery, refused to listen. After overpowering her, he hated her more than he’d loved her. Despite Tamar’s heartbroken pleas, he sent her away and ordered his servant to bolt the door, sealing her shame.

“Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went” (2 Samuel 13:19). Her behavior alerted everyone in the palace to her humiliation and devastation. Amnon had ravaged her honor and hopes of marriage and motherhood. Although furious, her father did nothing to punish his firstborn. Tamar’s brother Absalom took her in, but after silencing and sidelining her, he exploited her nightmare to advance his dream of becoming the next king. Her tragic story ends with her living in Absalom’s house as a dishonored and desolate woman.

An Amazing Discovery

As the only woman in Scripture whose voice we hear after her sexual assault, we know Tamar was a strong woman. There must be more to her life. The chronicler tells us three men, including Gad the seer, recorded the events of King David’s reign (1 Chronicles 29:29). But how can we find his account?

As part of her research on a book about children of the Bible, Miriam Feinberg Vamosh conferred with Professor Meir Bar-Ilan. He described his work on a manuscript considered lost for hundreds of years. Jews of Cochin, India, claimed descendants of early exiles from the Holy Land gave their ancestors several apocryphal books, including Words of Gad the Seer. After discovering the document buried in the Cambridge library, Bar-Ilan translated the text for modern readers. One chapter of Gad’s book expanded Tamar’s tale, so the professor encouraged Miriam, a renowned author and Holy Land tour educator, to tell the rest of Tamar’s story. She agreed, then asked her friend, multiple award-winning author Eva Marie Everson, to work with her as co-author. The result is Ahoti: A Story of Tamar. Ahoti is Hebrew for “my sister.”

Master storytellers Vamosh and Everson take us beyond the biblical ending of Tamar’s rape to a horizon of hope, as pictured in the ancient manuscript. I encourage you to read this uplifting book.

Steps to Overcome Sexual Assault

In Ahoti, Tamar looked to God for healing and deliverance. “O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation. Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not sink: let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the deep waters” (Psalm 69:13-14 KJV). How can we follow her lead?

1. Listen for God’s truth. Sexual assault is never the victim’s fault.
2. Look for God’s deliverance. God holds onto you even when you neither see nor feel him.
3. Leave justice in God’s hands. He sees and judges in righteousness at the right time.
4. Let God redirect the voices in your mind. Refuse to wallow in the mire of replays.
5. Live in God’s redemptive grace. Your past need neither define you in the present nor determine your future—no matter what you’ve endured.

If you’ve been the victim of sexual assault, please know you’re not alone and not to blame. “The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble” (Psalm 9:9 NIV). He will give you hope and a future.

u0022How to Overcome Sexual Assault ~ Tamar's Storyu0022 by Nancy Lucenay on Beyond the Front Door Share on X

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

The American Association of Christian Counselors