How to Reconcile Our Pain with God’s Love

The doctor’s call affirmed God’s answer to our prayers. My husband and I were expecting a baby! We had big dreams for our firstborn. Mary, too, realized her baby was the answer to many prayers. She would give birth to the Messiah, the one her people had eagerly anticipated for hundreds of years. Yet, can you imagine the shock and bewilderment that shook her soul at Gabriel’s announcement? “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you! … You will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus” (Luke 1:28, 31). Despite her questions, Mary basked in God’s love and favor.

What Else Did Mary Bear?

Mary bore more than a son. She also endured overwhelming shame—the disbelief and disappointment of those she loved, the scandalous disgrace of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy, and the possibility of divorce or death by stoning. Then, after her baby’s birth, she wrestled, knowing that although her child lived, many others died because of Herod’s jealous rage.

Perhaps rearing her fully divine-fully human son presented few problems in his early years. But when Jesus was twelve years old, Mary experienced the heart-sick panic of losing a child in a large city crammed with uncaring strangers. Had she lost God’s love? She suffered three days of frantic searching until she and Joseph finally found Jesus conversing with those he would later challenge (Luke 2:41-52).

Mary’s incomprehension must have increased as she watched her pride and joy abandon carpentry to become an itinerant preacher. He made friends with the outcasts of society—beggars, lepers, tax collectors, and prostitutes. Her son acted nothing like she and her fellow Jews expected the Messiah to act. His views of God, the Mosaic law, and the Temple created confusion and embarrassment. His interactions with the religious leaders left her fearful for his safety.

Even Mary’s other children suspected their oldest brother of insanity. Imagine her rejection when Jesus claimed the misfits around him as family rather than his mother and siblings (Mark 3:20-21, 31-35). Instead of God’s love, Mary felt the scorn of her neighbors.

Mary’s Burden Intensified

Yet the worst torment Mary bore was not the incredible shame of having a suspected criminal for a son. Instead, it was the incalculable pain of watching her precious firstborn’s torture and humiliation on a Roman cross. Her dreams died with his words, “It is finished” (John 19:30). Although Jesus provided for his mother’s future by appointing John as her substitute son, she couldn’t reconcile the angel’s pronouncement of God’s loving favor with the nightmare she was living.

“It” was finished, but God wasn’t. As Mary grieved at home, John hid with the terrified disciples until Mary Magdalene reported the news of Jesus’ missing body. After racing to the empty tomb, John “went in… saw and believed” (John 20:8). Then, he returned home, and no doubt told Jesus’ mother about her son’s apparent resurrection, renewing her hope. When Mary Magdalene later announced, “I have seen the Lord” (John 20:18), she reignited Mary’s faltering faith.

Reconciling God’s Love with Our Pain

Like Mary, we may struggle to harmonize God’s loving promises with our heartaches. She surrendered her heart and body to bear the Christ. God also calls us to faithfulness, to carry his light and love to a watching, waiting, and sometimes wicked world. Mary saw the day we call Good Friday as the worst day of her life. Still, God was at work. She couldn’t see God’s hand then, and often, we can’t see his movement today.

”Nevertheless, “we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). God never wastes our pain. He uses it to work in and through even our darkest and most difficult days to accomplish his plans and purposes for our good and his glory.“Nevertheless, “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). God never wastes our pain. He uses it to work in and through even our darkest and most difficult days to accomplish his plans and purposes for our good and his glory.

“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay” (Habakkuk 2:3). Jesus’ resurrection confirms God’s faithfulness. He always keeps his promises.

When have you wondered how to reconcile your pain with God’s love? How has God used your struggles to accomplish his purposes? Join the conversation by sharing your thoughts and comments below.

All Scriptures are from the English Standard Version.