With sweaty palms and a pounding heart, I faced my nemesis. She and I had an extensive history of entangled hearts and wills trailing behind us. When God first told me to apologize, I argued and explained all the reasons the broken relationship wasn’t my fault. Despite my pleas, his direction didn’t change. My anger and bitterness were my fault and my responsibility. I needed to confess and request forgiveness. I recognized I’d caused as much pain as I’d absorbed. After a lengthy battle, I agreed. I suspect Jacob also dreaded facing his adversary from the past. But as he and I both discovered, God’s way is best, and his timing is right.

Jacob & Esau: Backstory 

Twenty years earlier, Jacob cheated his twin brother Esau, first out of his birthright and then his blessing. (Genesis 26:34—27:41) He fled to his uncle’s home several hundred miles away to escape Esau’s murderous intentions. Uncle Laban took Jacob through an advanced course in deception. Beginning with his substitution of Leah for her sister Rachel in the wedding and continuing with cheating Jacob out of his wages. So, when God told Jacob to return home, he agreed. But then he remembered why he’d left and worried.

Preparation

With his entry into Esau’s territory, Jacob was making an honor claim, the first step in the push-and-shove game of Challenge and Response. He knew Esau would respond and feared a renewal of hostilities. Every action Jacob took revealed his desire to restore to Esau the honor he had stolen. Was he a changed man or only a scared one? By sending messengers ahead, he wanted to assure Esau that he was an honorable and wealthy man with peaceful intentions. In referring to Esau as “lord” and himself as his “servant” (Genesis 32:4), Jacob communicated the cultural respect due to an older brother. But the messengers returned with news that Esau and 400 men were on their way to meet him.

Contrary to what Jacob hoped, Esau was challenging his honor claim. Frightened and distressed, he divided his family and possessions into two groups. Then he prayed, his first recorded prayer since leaving his homeland two decades earlier. He appealed for help in facing his brother. 

To soften Esau’s heart (and slow him down), Jacob sent a succession of gifts—550 animals! Was he also giving back part of the blessing and honor he’d taken? Jacob longed to convince his brother he didn’t plan to shame him again. 

Unexpected Help

The answers to our prayers are often not what we anticipate. When Jacob asked God for help, what did he expect? The response must have surprised him. After sending his family, servants, and possessions across the stream, he was alone in the camp. (Genesis 32:22-32) To be alone in a collectivist culture meant being stripped of your identity and security. Although introspection isn’t common in honor/shame cultures, Jacob needed to face who he was. All his life, he had struggled to prevail—first with Esau and then with Laban. He had the same goal in his all-night wrestling match. 

Who was Jacob’s opponent? Multiple interpretations exist. Maybe Esau, Esau’s guardian angel, one of Esau or Laban’s men, a river demon, the pre-Incarnate Christ. Some rabbis suggest the struggle was an internal one, between Jacob and the demons that haunted him. If true, the solitude he endured was necessary. God chose the time and conditions when Jacob would be most receptive. Jacob and the mysterious being wrestled until daybreak, until light dawned both on Jacob and around him. Determined to answer stubborn his prayer, the man disabled him. Still, Jacob held on, demanding a blessing. Physical disability wasn’t enough.

The man asked him, “What is your name?”

Genesis 32:27

The question wasn’t one of identity but of character. True to his name, Jacob was a deceiver. He had to admit who and what he was before he could receive what God wanted to give.

Are We Jacob?

Was Jacob’s wrestling match an answer to his prayer? When he asked God to save him from the hand of his brother, Jacob expected God to strengthen him and weaken Esau. But Jacob’s chief nemesis was himself—as I also discovered. Only when broken was he in a position to receive God’s blessing and restore his relationship with Esau.

 Does God hope our current struggles will open our eyes to our need for him? Just as we can’t hug a stiff child, God can’t bless us when we insist on doing things our way in our strength. How to win the big one? Turn to God, admitting our weakness and need for someone stronger and wiser. Brokenness can be the door to blessing.